Personal Diary: January 26th, year 115

Today was my first day actually flying inside the Praetoria Imperialis Excubitoris, and it's strange trying to adapt to such a loose organization after the strict discipline of both the Navy and the Silent Brothers of Amarr. Refreshing, maybe.

It seems like the Empire rewards with loyalty points the working in the frontlines, and if you do well, you should be able to maintain yourself just using them. At least, that's the theory. Using that theory I moved in the INS Deathproof into the Bleak Lands, trying to put that idea to trial and, specially, to get acquainted with how the war worked from the capsuleer side of things.

It was strange to be back in Sahtogas, which I will probably use as a forward base, after such a long time. From space, it all looked as it always had, as if the years hadn't gone by. Three years away is a long time for us, but not for the stars and planets in permanent orbit. And yet, war hadn't changed either as I soon found out.

I was waiting for another of the Ensigns to join me in Oyonata, a pilot by the name of Fay Aexiss. She had never been to the frontlines, and I wanted to meet captain Merdaneth in Roushzar as soon as she got to me. This would serve us both as a test: for her to learn the ways, and for me to re-learn them. It's incredible how much you forget and how the reflexes dull over time.

So dull I never saw the small fleet of pirates jumping over me. I was attending the comms and even forgot to enter the Amarr hub I wanted to visit. I didn't have a chance. Before I noticed I was already warp-scrambled and targetted, and my Punisher was not enough to fight them off at such a disadvantage.

After only half an hour in the frontlines, I had lost the ship. I did make it out alive, though, and back to Amarr Prime. And now I'm not sure if I should try and head back there, or retain the original plan of getting myself a Harbinger before, so I can complete level 3 missions and be able to cover my costs easily. But it is just so much time to get those millions I'm missing...

Personal Diary: January 22nd, year 115

The Praetoria Imperialis Excubitoris has notified me they accept my application, and I have officially sent it their way so they can approve it. I must admit I am quite excited at the idea of leaving Imperial Shipment and start doing some real work for the Empire, though my ship fleet is still a bit small and... precarious... in order to actually do much in the frontlines. Well, we'll see how it goes from here.

Ship Log: PIE Recruitment Interview

Private channel open. 
Date: January 21st, year 115
Pilots present: Aethion Mirra, Sepherim Catillah

Sepherim > Ave Liuteneant
Sepherim > I apologize for closing your invite, must have missordered my pod
Aethion Mirra > No problem.
Aethion Mirra > You wish to be interviewed about joining PIE Inc.?
Sepherim > indeed, I sent the application a few days ago, and was told a propper interview was needed
Sepherim > I talked with Commander Shutaq briefly yesterday, but my pod's comm units broke and it was impossible to have a propper discussion
Aethion Mirra > Why do you wish to join us?
Sepherim > because, as far as pod pilots go, you are the strong arm of the Empire and have been key in completing the defense of the Bleak Lands and elsewhere since a long time before
Sepherim > even when I was in the Navy, the Praetoria was one of the few pod pilot corporation that was talked about with respect, as it has earned it more than enough
Sepherim > being a soldier as I am, it seems the most appropriate organization to belong
Aethion Mirra > Right.
Sepherim > it's the right place to be
A brief silence happens as pilots have other things to attend to.
Aethion Mirra > Brother Sepherim, you tell me that you are often confused with another man that went by the same name. Tell me about this.
Sepherim nods
Sepherim > it has happened, indeed, by pilots like Hitome Kei
Sepherim > I've investigated the man, and it seems like he was a... controversial theologian or philosopher of some sort
Sepherim > at least on the surface
Aethion Mirra > Tell me more.
Sepherim > under the surface, he created an organization called the Ordo Quaesitoris that has a quite... contronversial reputation such as he did
Sepherim > they were involved in many important issues back some years ago: they defended the Bleak Lands against the first Minmatarr invasions and then durnig factional warfare
Sepherim > they mediated between House Miyan and House Darabi when those Holder Houses went to ewar
Sepherim > protected the Speaker of Truths when he went to meet Articio Kor-Azor
Sepherim > these... positive elements, many of which were done in the company of your own organization
Sepherim > also add to more... complicated matters like having some sort of relations to Sani Sabik leader Revan Neferis
Sepherim frowns when he mentions the word Sani Sabik, which clearly he hates
Aethion Mirra > What relations would those be?
Sepherim > as well as known  pilots
Sepherim > hmm, that is unclear. Some say they were lovers, some say there was only understanding, some say he just talked to her to obtain information
Sepherim > rumours say that he even warned CVA of an incoming Sabik raid before it happened due to that information
Sepherim > but it is true that public records on IGS show Neferis granted him on two occasions the rings to most influential pilots in the cluster
Sepherim > a award that had other loyalist names on the list, like Admiral Graelyn (if I remember correctly), but also many names of enemies of the Empire, pirates, etc
Sepherim > so, as you seem, it looks like there as a dark for every light that man threw
Sepherim > he was even known for not approving the way our Empress reached her station
Sepherim > and, eventually, it seems like all these facts lead to the Ministry of Internal Order and the Theology Council to retire his pilot license
Aethion Mirra > Seems like a confusion between you and this man could put PIE in a bad place in some situations.
Aethion Mirra > Were you to join.
Sepherim nods
Aethion Mirra > How do you feel about this?
Sepherim > well, the OQ has brought forth pilots of proven light like Commander Shutaq and traitors like Holder Caine
Sepherim > but I believe that I can make clear to anyone that I'm not the same person
Sepherim > and, actually, most people flying no longer remember that pilot, nor his organization
Sepherim > so it probably won't be a subject that will be brought forth often, but I can make it clear that I'm not him in the IGS if you so wish
Sepherim > that would be no problem, I must admit I have no love lost for the man even if we may have been in the same war theaters on occasions we never actually met
Aethion Mirra > I usually say guilty by association but this is a complicated case...
Sepherim > that would make Commander Shutaq guilty as well
Sepherim  smiles, playful, and seems more relaxed now that the reference to the Sabik is far
Aethion Mirra > Ok. Let's continue to my next question. There will only be 2 for this interview, though long as they are it's enough.
Sepherim nods
Sepherim > very well
Aethion Mirra frowns and scraches his head... brought to internal conflict of the interview so far. Hoping it's downhill from now...
Sepherim smiles with tranquility to Aethion
A small silence follows between both pilots as their attention diverts elsewhere.
Aethion Mirra > Yes.
Aethion Mirra > Let's see here..
Aethion Mirra > I see that you used to live in a monastary. However you left rather suddenly.
Sepherim nods
Aethion Mirra > Tell me about it. Why you were there in the first place, how your stay was and why you left.
Sepherim > I should start by saying my time in the Navy wasn't the easiest
Sepherim > I was tortured by the Sani Sabik during... well, I...
Sepherim grows quiet for a second
Sepherim > I also saw a lot of friends die in the frontlines, and had to take many lifes as well
Aethion Mirra > If you wish not to tell the details of such times - it's ok I would understand.
Sepherim > as the years of service went on, those memories increasingly became a burden on me and my skill as a fleet commander
Sepherim nods, appreciating aethion's offer not to dwelve into detail into those days with the Raiders
Aethion Mirra > You weren't a capsuleer then right?
Sepherim > no, I was not, as there are no capsuleers in the Navy
Aethion Mirra > Right. Do continue.
Sepherim > I just became... uncontrolled you could say
Sepherim > my commanders said "sloppy"
Sepherim > and I'd say drunk
Sepherim > in the end, I had become a threat to that which I valued: the Empire, my brothers in arms,... everything
Sepherim > so retiring to a monastery was the way I thought I'd be able to forget all that and live a peaceful life of service to the Empire without remembering all the sacrifices
Aethion Mirra > Ok, and you turned to monastary?
Sepherim > it didn't work
Sepherim > yes
Aethion Mirra > Why didn't it work?
Sepherim > don't take me wrong, it was peaceful productive live in the monastery, and allowed me to regain control of myself and focus
Sepherim > but at night, memories would still come
Sepherim > and I would shake in bed... I hope this is not too personal?
Aethion Mirra > Not at all - as long as you are comfortable.
Sepherim nods
Sepherim > yes, this part I am confortable with
Sepherim > so, I ended up having horrible dreams that kept me from sleep
Sepherim > and guilt took a hold of me, as I felt a traitor and a coward for leaving all that mattered behind
Sepherim > someone said that the tree of the Empire has to be covered in blood of traitors and patriots for it to grow healthy
Sepherim > and I felt like I had ran away and rejected my part of the sacrifice
Sepherim > I couldn't take it
Sepherim > then, my father, who also was officer in the Imperial Navy before me
Aethion Mirra > Seems like you had high demands on yourself.
Sepherim > I have high demands on all who live in the Empire, Liuteneant Mirra
Sepherim > and I had failed to be the cog of the machine that should turn so other cogs moved
Sepherim > I couldn't stay behind while brothers sacrificed themselves for me
Sepherim > are those high demands? I think those are the only appropriate demands of an Imperial citizen
Sepherim > one way or another, we all sacrifice for the Empire in that which we are meant to do
Aethion Mirra > While demands should be high - one should also stay grounded and realistic.
Sepherim nods
Sepherim > true
Sepherim > I only ask that a miner mines, a worker works, a merchant sells, and a soldier fights
Sepherim > and I had failed to do my part
Aethion Mirra > If serving is not an option, then one need to look elsewhere - and working more religiously then seems like a good idea.
Sepherim > my father will probably never forgive me for not being willing to die for the Empire as I should
Sepherim nods
Sepherim > it does, but war still called for me in my cellar, it told me I didn't belong there but among the stars
Sepherim > I resisted the call for one year out of fear
Sepherim > I resisted a second one out of doubt
Aethion Mirra > Now however you cannot die, how does that change the situation?
Sepherim > I could die back then
Aethion Mirra > Yes, I know.
Sepherim > it was not until the third year that my father forced me to take the capsule compatbiility tests
Sepherim > and when they said I was compatible... I could not resist the call anymore
Sepherim > the message of my duty was too clear
Aethion Mirra > Tell me about your relationship with your father.
Sepherim > he's a stubborn and hard man, a soldier from the heart to the head, a man that knows no fear and no love
Sepherim > or, at least, doesn't know how to show them
Sepherim > he currently serves in the Domain Fleet, a Templar Liuteneant under Commander Urios Kador
Sepherim > but believes that my failure is a stain on the name of the family and doesn't forgive me for it
Sepherim shakes his head
Aethion Mirra > What do you think personally?
Sepherim > I think he's right
Sepherim > and I have to earn my right to be forgiven
Sepherim > I have to atone for the gravest of failures
Sepherim > and can only do so with an eternal service to the Empire
Sepherim > only that will allow me to sleep again, probably
Sepherim nods, firmly
Aethion Mirra > That is why you seek to join PIE?
Sepherim > it is the best place to serve the Empire, yes
Aethion Mirra > And you quit the monastary because you understood that you were pod pilot material?
Sepherim > yes, the tests proved I could be compatible, so I had to try
Sepherim > remaining behind would only be accepting my failure, and I could no longer do that
Sepherim > Brother Mashkarel also helped in that
Sepherim > he's a very kind man, and wise in the ways of the human heart and mind
Aethion Mirra > Ok, I think that answers my questions for now.
Sepherim smiles at the memory of the monk
Sepherim nods
Aethion Mirra > That concludes this interview.
Sepherim > very well, thank you for your time Liuteneant
Aethion Mirra > Thank you.
Sepherim offers Mirra a military salute
Aethion Mirra > Semper Pax
Sepherim > Amarr Victor

Private channel closed.

Public Profile: Sepherim Catillah

Name: Sepherim Catillah                                           Race: Ni-Kunni
Birthday: May 5th, year 86                                        Height: 1,83 meters
Birthplace: Amarr Prime                                            Eyes: Black 
Bloodtype: 0-                                                            Hair: Black 
Parents: Julius Catillah (Templar Liuteneant, Domain Fleet)
              Emile Catillah (housewife)
Codename: Duke.
Formation: military school since a child.

Record:
-June 23rd, 103: finished military school and joined the Imperial Navy.
-June 23rd, 103: assigned to Domain Fleet Military Intelligence, under command of Imperial Major Uriel Kador; wing 13, under direct orders from Templar Liuteneant Anna Mirth.
-September 11th, 103: assigned to operation 0212BSE, overwatch of Blood Raider operations in the Bleak Lands.
-August 9th, 104: wing 13 is destroyed by Blood Raiders. Reassigned to wing 7 under direct orders of Templar Liuteneant Portus Vanquis.
-January 5th, 105: approved promotion to Templar Liuteneant. Appointed to join officer school.
-January 11th, 105: removed from Domain Fleet Military Intelligence and joined officer school.
-March 6th, 106: finished military school as a Arch Liuteneant. Appointed to join the Bleak Lands Fleet under command of Divine Commodore Janiah Ardishapur, asigned with the task of defeating Omir Sarikusa. Granted command of wing 8 of the Reconaisance and Intelligence division, under direct orders from Imperial Major Janah Kador.
-September 29th, 107: promoted to Imperial Major. Granted command of wings 6 to 10 of the Bleak Lands Reconaissance and Intelligence fleet.
-July 2nd, 108: promoted to Marshal Commander, granted control of the Reconaisance and Intelligence 3rd division "Dogs of War".
-November 21st, 109: fleet asigned the mission to fight Karishal Muritor's first invasion of the Bleak Lands.
-December 15th, 109*: Admiral Saracen's 7th Fleet is in charge of the defense of the Bleak Lands against the second invasion by the Defiants. The Bleak Lands Fleet is absorbed into their unit.
-December 31st, 109: assigned to mission 56332CGR. Eyes only.
-January 4th, 110: promoted to Imperator Commander, and transferred to the orders of Commander Nelly Kor-Azor.
-October 17th, 110: first reports of misconduct by Sepherim Catillah. They report he was drunk and unable to propperly command his fleet.
-March 20th, 111: retires from the Imperial Navy without honors.
-April 4th, 111: joined the Silent Brothers of Amarr monastery in Amarr Prime
-June 9h, 113: took pod-compatibility tests. Positive results. Began training as a capsuleer.
-December 5th, 114: returned to space as a capsuleer.
-January 22nd, 115: accepted by PIE to join their ranks.
-March 24th, 115: diagnosed Kasioper's Syndrome.

The rest of the profile is confidential under the Imperial Navy authority.

*Aproximate date, as the news articles from the second campaign seem not to be online. Will look for more information to confirm it.

Personal Diary: January 21st, year 115

Today some demented Blood Raider was bragging about how he'd make food out of people on The Summit. And it reminded me that I've never actually gotten down to writing what happened with them so long ago. As hard as writing this words may be, I believe it is something I need to do now.

I was on my second year in the Navy back then, year 104, a fresh cadet working under the orders of Templar Liuteneant Anna Mirth, commonly known as "The Hound". Since fourteen months before I had been placed under her command in the Military Intelligence unit she led, and we usually went around scanning, exploring and doing military reconaissance before the main combat fleets of the Navy. We were scouting in the Bleak Lands' border with the Empire, in Iesa to be precise, but the wars hadn't started back then and the Minmatarr were only launching small time raids of "freedom fighters" to release slaves. They were not our target.

Contradicting reports gathered by the Navy Intelligence suggested that the area held a hidden POS run by the Sani Sabik, from where they were launching raids against traders and belt miners. They controlled the Bleak Lands mostly back then, as the Empire wouldn't clear them from there until year 107, but tensions had been piling up against Omir Sarikusa. Templar Liuteneant Mirth had been assigned the task to scout those systems with her squad and confirm or deny such a possibility. It should have been a piece of cake, but it was not.

As soon as we warped to the first planet in Iesa and started scanning, a full combat fleet of the Raiders fell upon us. Almost like they were specting us. We fought as hard as we could, but we were overrun without really having any chance of doing anything. Most of the squad died in the first three minutes of combat, including the Templar Liuteneant. Three of us were hit but not destroyed, they just crippled our ships and disabled them before taking us "into custody".

I was... Well, I...

Can't do it. I can't write what happened then. I guess I'm not ready. Let's just say it took the Imperial Navy four days to find and release us three, and those were the longest days of my life. I saw things... I was done things... I...

Let's just say that, if I still hate the Sabik now, it is due to a lot of good, painful and disgusting reasons. But, most of all, to the unshakeable terror that still assaults me sometimes at night and prevents me from sleeping. I have fought the Nation, the Republic, the Serpentis and Angel cartels, pirates, terrorists, the Minmatarr militia... but all of those are just targets, enemies to take down following orders. Some even deserve a certain amount of recognition.

But, when it comes to the Raiders, there can be no mercy, there can be no tolerance, there can be no understanding. With them, it's personal. And it wasn't enough to kick them out of the Bleak Lands.

Personal Diary: January 19th, Year 115

I've asked to join the Praetoria Imperialis Excubitoris a few days ago. Now it's time to wait for the propper interview in which they shall judge if I am an appropriate pilot to join their roster or not. I know they are very religious, and my atheism may indeed be a problem, so I have to be cautious about it. Not that hiding it is something new, afterall no one can say they don't believe in God in our theocracy.

As much as I love the Empire, I can't avoid feeling all faith dissapeared during my time serving in the Bleak Lands under Admiral Saracen's orders. How can God allow such massacres? Such pointless death and suffering? No, if He exists, He would be so cruel and hedious that the Scriptures couldn't be about Him. So no, I believe we are alone here in space, just millions of humans trying to do what they want: defending causes, killing, dying, loving, fucking, breeding, working...

Some causes are lost, some are wrong, and only a few are pure and right. The Empire is one, not for God, but the promise of unity in purpose and compromise it entails: the vast, galaxy spawning unity of mankind under one banner. Peace, in the end, through a long and very complicated Reclaiming. My laser guns are needed in such a long and complex process, that's my place, where I belong.

That's where I'll atone for leaving the frontlines so many years ago.

Personal Diary: January 15th, year 115

I've been forced to remain outside of the pod for the holidays. Afterall, the family still demands the attention it deserves, and I can actually not make up a proper excuse not to show up. Julius Catillah, my father, was the one to welcome me, but it was not a warm welcome. To be honest, it was rather cold and complicated.

I believe he never has forgiven me for leaving the Navy. I can't blame him, though, as I haven't been able to do so either.

Emile Catillah, my mother, was as warm as always, as were my sister Nietta and my brother Joshua. Together, they did manage to make me feel for some time that it was the place where I belonged. Even Joshua's wife, Adelle, managed not to be as hateable as usually. But still, when the night brought its silence to the rooms of the house, I couldn't help but hear the stars calling out to me. Yeah, I know, it sounds rather tacky, but that was still how I felt.

I believe that now that the holidays are over, the time has come. I have to seek proper flying brothers, and rejoin the 24th Imperial Crusade. That is the only path laid before me.

Personal Diary: December 11th, year 114

Today I’ve noticed that some things don’t change even after three years in a monastery. I can talk back and discuss against any officer if the time is right (obviously, not when orders are given and battle is coming), it has even granted me a couple detentions on occasions. Due to it, a DED official today called me cynical, and maybe she was right. Actually, she probably was. I guess these years have made me quite bitter and cynical.

But the pod pilot community does that to me. They are egotistic, self-adoring idiots, too centered in their own small worlds to look beyond that, to the millions of lives that we modify with our actions. What we do has dire consequences to many! And yet, they live without realizing that, focused on their own bellies.

Another thing doesn’t change: Holders. I have to protect a petulant and self-righteous man of the Theology Council who wants to investigate some recent events in a system. At least, I have to protect him while in space. So we took refuge in a hotel in the system, and there I met the owner, Holder Leopold Cain. And, while I can talk back to a military commander, I still can’t talk back to a noble. They hold too much power, they are too unpredictable, and trying to reply to them is way too dangerous. So I just kind of block out into a massively polite form which I can’t avoid.

Well, at least my small reputation against private contractors is growing, as is my web of contacts, even among the pod pilots. As is my wallet. Hopefully I’ll be able to jump into a cruiser soon enough.

Personal Diary: December 7th, year 114

Today I’ve been boarded by one of the Praetoria Imperialis Excubitoris’ recruitment Liuteneant, willing to reply to all my doubts. He was very helpful indeed, and the path remains clear to join either PIE or CVA, unless something unexpected comes up. But that’s not what I want to write about tonight, nothing changed there so it’s not interesting.

What’s interesting was a simple exchange. I asked him something like “and, if I asked you about the officers and pilots, I imagine you would have all praises”. And he replied an appropriate “if you are faithful and work you should find it very pleasant”. And that got me thinking.

I am not faithful, not in the sense they mean it. I don’t make a secret of it, but my father was a small heretic of a peaceful variation of the orthodox faith, and I probably could be considered an atheist. An atheist in a theocracy, ironic isn’t it?

And yet, I love the Empire. Imperial Major Uriel Kador, my first commander in chief, told to all of us cadets (after all, by then I was just a number): “pilots, you are going to war. You better be sure why you fight it: what you want to protect, what you want to expand, why you will risk it all. Or else, you will doom yourselves and maybe many more with you”. I spoke to many of them along the years, and in their insides, they had cried “God!” or “my family!” or “my planet!” or many similar notions.

Not me. I only thought: because it’s my duty. So no, I don’t believe in our common God, he’s just a convenient idea that the Theology Council uses to keep order. I don’t have faith in it, or any of the sermons, saints or sacred books. I used to have that faith, or so I remember, but I lost it during my three years in the monastery. Ironic, isn't it? But God was no solace there, and his existance became increasingly unbelievable between the stone walls.

But I do believe in the Empire: in its institutions, its peoples, on what it stands for in a chaotic universe, for it is the center of order and the only origin for peace. I guess that is some sort of faith, even if not the common one in the Empire. 

And yet, I must keep silent. Voicing out my atheism would probably only bring me problems with the Theology Council. I'm not good at laws, but maybe I can even be enslaved to enlighten me or something like that. So no, caution is the best way to confront it. 

Who Am I?

This is the link to the forum thread where the "Who Am I?" story is being played. Being a collaborative effort among several players, Sepherim's part is only one of the voices, but it's an interesting different take on his story.

Chronologically, the events depicted there would be hard to pin in a specific moment in time. This is due to the fact that those stories never actually took place in space, and that they will be during a long time, as is usual in forum playing. Still, I believe it'll be both fun and interesting, let's see where it goes!

Personal Diary: December 6th, year 114

The more I have contact with pod-pilots, the more I despise them. Self-centered beings as they are, focused on their needs and wills, not caring for others or any sort of true goals. Liars, cheaters, anything goes for them. Even among those who call themselves loyalists, some of this traits exist, even if in lesser measure.

But I guess that’s what I have to deal with now that I’m out here in the cold. I have my own faults and mistakes, so I guess I don’t deserve better treatment than the rest.

At least, the plan advances as intended. A contact in Amarr got me a couple missions fighting here and there. I had almost forgotten how easy it is just to let go, to give the order to the cannons to shoot and forget that what’s exploding before you is a hull full of human lives. And now, I can’t even say it’s for the Empire, it’s just for isk. I’ve fallen from real duty to that of a disposable mercenary.

My laser cannon (I can only afford one for now) pierced through the hull of a few Minmatarr ships. Rebels and traitors, or freedom fighters as they call themselves. I’ve been fighting them, one way or another, for the last decade, and they still resist vanishing. I fought them during my training years as a Fleet Cadet, and as I grew in rank. They were the main enemy when I commanded my first battleship in the first campaign in the Bleak Lands, right after Karishal Muritor’s invasion, and once again when I finally was in command of a small squadron during the second invasion, under the orders of Admiral Saracen of the 7^th Imperial Fleet. And once again as an Imperator Commander during the 24^th Imperial Crusade.

I’ve seen them die, I’ve killed them, but I’ve also seen them kill my men and even myself. I should hate them as most officers do, they are the cause of many of the Empire’s ills, and even dared attack CONCORD and the main systems of the Empire before the intervention of our returned Empress. They caused the death of my father in combat as he commanded his ship, and he was no pod pilot who can return from the dead. And even one of my brothers was killed by them when they raided a transport ship in which he was traveling with his family.

And yet, I don’t. Hating them would make it all so much easier, and yet I can’t find it anywhere inside me. I wish I could, I really do.

So now, all I have is orders to guide myself. But not the clear orders of the Navy chain of command, whose goal is clearly to defend the Empire. No, now I only have politicians, bureaucrats, noblemen… all seeking to use me to further their goals.

And, for now, I have to accept. At least, I have finally been able to purchase a Punisher frigate and start fitting it, but it’ll be quite some time before I can free myself of those petty humans and their petty, egotistic, needs.

Blood of the Behemoth

The boarding bay was full of people and equipment going from one place to another, like a busy hive full of working ants. And, in the middle of all that, Trevor Humedd hugged his family as tightly as he could, like he wanted to take their breaths away. Tears flowed from their cheeks, golden drops in the dim lights of the station. Around them, two dozen families were going through the same ordeal of farewells, while the loading crew moved supply crates, machinery and weaponry ready in the last minute.

-Promise me you’ll be careful- demanded his wife, with her voice broken by fear, hope and doubt.

-I will, Marsha, you know I’ll do all I can. But it’s not up to me. At least I know the family will be well with my salary, and we’ll be able to cover the studies of young Archie.-

He poke his son with his finger, but his childish laughter didn’t break the sorrow of the moment. And then a red light and a warning flashed drowning the whole bay in the color of blood, and all members of the crew were called into the belly of the golden leviathan that lay docked in front of them. The hug was broken by the moving people, and Trevor picked up his scarce personal luggage to move inside, waving a weak and fearful farewell that tried to look brave without success.

For a brief moment, he looked up and he saw a big crane carrying the pod of the pilot into the pit that was the control centre of the ship. He didn’t even get to see the woman who had his life in her hands, the god that would control every little bit of his existence during his five month rotation inside the Forgotten Galaxy. He just crossed the doorway into the dark corridors that would become the only thing he’d see for months. Like dark metallic arteries of the giant beast that was the ship. 

-------------------------------------

Dozens of tons of metal and people maneuvered swiftly through space, jumping on the appropriate moments like a steel monster dancing with the stars. Trevor could barely feel the movements as the pilot handled softly such a massive hulk into positions he never had the chance to see. After all, windows were scarce.

He spent most of his time in the corridors and rooms of the crew: three dozen men and women that worked as mechanics, engineers, cooks… everything needed to keep the beast advancing relentless, with scarce stops in stations every couple days to refill supplies and food. They weren’t allowed to leave the ship in such occasions, so they employed that free time playing cards and dice in the ship’s kitchen. He won many isk, he lost as many, but he enjoyed every scarce moment of solace. Out of them, only awaited the terror of the unknown, and the wait between the important moments.

Of course, from time to time, the alarms of the ship would ring and all crew members were forced to awaken and run to their positions. Somewhere, for some unknown reason, the pilot had decided to enter combat, and her will required all to work as one to increase their chances of survival. No doubts or second thoughts were possible, just completing the duty the ship’s god demanded as quickly as possible before heading on to the next one. All that while the ship vibrated and shook like a maddened horse under the impact of missiles and cannons that went through the shields, and dozens of nanite swarms were deployed and controlled so they went to fix the priority instruments.

They all prayed while they worked during those times, quick hurried words to try and bring the much needed luck to their side. It was all they could do after all, their lives were beyond their control, all in the hands of that alien pilot that guided their destinies among the stars. All they could do was wait and work in the belly of the beast, hoping that each time wouldn’t be the last, praying for another day, one at a time.

The end didn’t come, so their service to the Empire aboard the Forgotten Galaxy meant good sums of isks for their families. Trevor spoke with them as often as he could afford to pay the costly communication services aboard the ship. After all, most were to be employed by the pilot, and the crew members barely had any bandwidth left. Archie had gotten into school, and Marsha was able to buy better clothes and food for both of them, so they were doing well. But they missed him as much as he missed them, and all feared that each time the conversation ended, it would be the last time they’d see each other. Of course, no mention to that was made, and all farewells were “see you again soon” with a smile. A fake, fearful smile.

But he completed that tour of duty and got back to the loving arms of his family in a splendid welcoming that vanished all the fear. Back into the warmth and safety of his city, to his people, to the every-day needs and small problems. Still, he could only stay four months before enlisting again… money was still needed. And the farewell on the docking board repeated, as he once again he entered the same vessel that needed crew again after four months of repairs and modifications.

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No one can dodge destiny forever though, and death caught up with the ship two months later. Battle had started as usual, with the lights, the shakes, the stench of sweat and fear. Trevor controlled the nanite swarms and sent them to repair the surface of the ship, but it was too early. The behemoth had to be taking a very serious pounding for it to have lost the shields already. But a small power fluctuation and the vibrations of the impacts on the hull clearly showed such was the case.

Not much later, maybe a few minutes, the order to overheat the nanites came, using them to the fullest. The nanite hives went into overdrive, producing mass amounts of small robots that went directly to keep the ship working, but the damages still mounted on the rear of the ship, and one of the engines exploded sending the ship out of control in a blast. The pilot took quick hold of the ship with the rest of the engines as if she had put down a horse that had started a wild race, but even she could clearly not face whatever was outside. The Reaper had come.

Soon the nanites were overrun, and their over use deactivated them with a crack, while the pressure that had been building opened breaches in several of the conducts, letting out steam and other more dangerous gases. Mechanics were quick to the scene, but they only found Trevor on his knees praying. It was clearly all that was left to do, he was in charge of the armor, he knew better than anyone that time had come.

>>ALL CREW MEMBERS, BOARD THE EVACUATION PODS

The call came clearly through the communication channels, and all workers ran in stampede following the glowing paths in the floor that guided them to the nearest refuge, like the cattle guided to the slaughterhouse. The oval doors of the pods were open before them and they entered them in a rush, closing them with a hiss after them once five of them had entered each, hoping they would be able to take them out of the unavoidable death the ship was suffering and that shook the whole structure to the rhythm of small explosions.

Trevor barely made it to the last one. As the previous one had left with a pod half-full, they had to see how their door closed leaving a man and a woman on the other side, yelling for them to open as they realized their clock had ran out. But there was no space left inside. With a sudden pull and thrust that pinned them to their seats and made one of the engineers empty his insides, the pod ejected itself from the side of the golden ship and started to fall to the planet below, an unknown sphere of brownish-red color.

There was a small window in the door, and through it they could see the pilot’s pod get ejected as the ship was starting to break in two under the massive fire of the enemy. Big, black ships, covered in blood, were surrounding it like flies drawn to a corpse. As the ship blew apart before them, the Blood Raiders started to turn and open fire on the escape pods, like maniac demons hunting on the defenseless. One by one, they were turn into blazing infernos under the fire, until the last of them had their turn.

Surprisingly, the last thing Trevor could think of was that one of the crew members that occupied the previous pod owed him 0,4 isk from last night’s card game.

Personal Diary: December 5th, year 114

It’s hard to gaze again into space after such a long time of seclusion. The emptiness filled with stars, the space stations, the trail of ships flying by… it all is completely opposite to the silent, empty and repetitive life in the monastery. One looks out, trying to reach new horizon, the other looks inward, trying to appease our own demons.

I guess I failed in that.

After three years of near solitude, I can still feel the blood on my hands. At night, I still wake up drenched in sweat, as flashes of ships exploding still resonate in my mind. And I’m still completely unable to wear again the uniform of the Imperial Navy.

And so, here I am, three years away from everything, ignoring if the Crusade finished or not, and looking out from the window of my rented room into the void outside it, with Amarr right down below me. From my few savings, I was able to gather enough isk to purchase an Imperator class frigate from a second hand owner and fit into it some basic equipment.

I miss some real cannons, like we had in the Wings of Steel, the command ship I handled in the frontlines. And a one many crew seems empty and lifeless compared to the dozens of people working in their posts. But, for now at least, this will have to do.

It’s strange to look into the void of space and not know what to do next. I’ve always had my life set before my by my parents, by my teachers, by my commanding officers… and now, I’m alone. But I know I can’t fight my demons just by standing idly and trying to forget them as I did in the monastery, I have to take some course of action.

Must be something meaningful too. I’ve always loathed the capsuleers: egotistic, parasites, bound only to their whims and their games, separated from the real problems of real people. They lack true meaning to their lives and deaths, and continue to pursue their destructive nature without caring for its consequences. They lack true goals, true commitments.

And yet, here I am, looking through my window and realizing I’m a simple capsuleer like them now. No longer Imperator Commander Sepherim Catillah, reputed member of the Imperial Navy. Just another capsuleer lost among the stars looking for some guidance somewhere.

Let’s see where the road takes me now. First I must try to reach out to some navy contacts I still have, maybe they can offer me some work to get me on my way to some decent ship. And a decent meal too. And, hopefully, a nice girl willing to do something more than talk with a war veteran. Curious, hadn’t thought about all those small pleasures since I had entered the monastery…